Sunday, November 20, 2011

I Don't Get It

I don't think I will EVER get it. For some reason, I am the bad child.

I turned 16 and got a job. I have held down a job successfully since then. I have never had a drug problem. I've only smoked pot a handful of times and I was 19 the first time. I don't like the feeling of being high so I don't do it. I don't have any children, I was smart enough to get on birth control and use condoms and do what I needed to to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I didn't drink in high school, again, I was 19 before I ever got drunk. I was in a safe environment and I didn't leave. We just had a good time and then went to bed.

My brothers... All of them.. are a different story. The one in particular this post is about shares my father with me. The 3 older ones are from a different father. My little brother has done drugs since he was in junior high. He used to sit in his room and do coke all night. When living at home, he didn't work, didn't contribute to the house, nothing. He dropped out of school. He had a girlfriend move in, she didn't pay rent or contribute either. I paid rent. Paid bills. He went to raves, he partied all the time. That was his life. He decided to go to school, and when finished, didn't have a job. Didn't WANT a job. He had a meth problem. In the middle of a meth binge one day, had unprotected sex cuz he doesn't like condoms. The result is my beautiful baby niece..

He still isn't working. Still isn't doing anything with his life. I have done everything I can to take care of myself... I have held down 2-3 jobs. And today I find out that my brother is a victim. Of? My father thinks he's a victim. The mother of Talon's baby trapped him. Um, sorry. Unless she raped him, Talon could have wrapped it. And he didn't. He CHOSE not to. How is he a victim?

How am I looked at like I can do nothing right but he's a victim? He makes these choices! I made the choice to help 2 people and they screwed me over! I don't get it. I don't understand why he is a victim if he knew the choice he made and was aware of his potential consequences...

He is a golden child and I am the fuck up... End rant...

P.s. don't get me wrong.. I love my little brother and I am not mad at him, its just something I don't understand. It isn't his fault my father sees him how he does... I just wish my dad actually saw reality.


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