Pregnancy Makes Me... Assertive.

Generally I have this filter. It decides its not my business, therefore, I don't need to say anything.

Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!! Right now? That filter is OFF. And I am truly loving it. What I normally won't say I bluntly do. 14 year old with no clothes? Put your clothes back on since your bitching about the 40 yr old men gaping at you.. its that simple. I'm a bit snappy with my Soldier and that I do regret...

But I was snappy in the store today and about 2 minutes later he walked up and wrapped his arms around me from behind and said that even when I'm snappy I'm still amazing and he still loves me and kissed my cheek bunches. Which makes me feel bad for the grumpy... I try with him, I do, but hormones are everywhere.

I do however enjoy my snappy when its in the right places :) its pretty awesome...

Oh, I've lost 8lbs since I was weighed on August 29th, so 1st trimester is eating my body away. No appetite today... Maybe that's why I was cranky??

*Breezie*

Happy!

So, i'm really only doing this because im pretty sure if i dont, facebook will HATE me forever!

I am the epitome of happy, glowy, excited mommy-to-be. i want to shout it from the roof tops that i am pregnant. then, just to be sure, i wanna shout it again. i touch my stomach every chance i get. hey, its mine. i will touch it as often as i want!! i dont even mind when family and friends are touching it already. Rich is the father, and hes so excited!! he told everyone he saw last night that hes going to be a daddy. i dont know too many guys who have literally been this excited. no hesitancy, no questions asking me if im sure i wanna have a baby and do all this. no doubts. hes scared, but hes thrilled we are having a child together. and i cant wait! so far *knocks on wood* my pregnancy has been amazing. dont know when im due yet, wont know til November at my ultrasound. if he leaves before i go to it that will be sad, but i will find a way to make sure he gets to experience the heartbeat with me...he rubs my belly every day and then says "you're having my baby" with the sweetest look in his eye.

this girl couldnt GLOW any brighter!!!

i think i will probably find a way to post to my blog pretty often as im going through pregnancy, since im going to wind up pissing off people on facebook with every thing... thats because ive had issues with my lady bits for years. i was told it would be hard to concieve, if at all. i have had enough oops and accidents that most women would have children from...a year of not using any birth control really... and then i look at girls who are on birth control, run out, go 3 days without, then start again and find out they are pregnant a month later. or havent had sex in months, have sex once, and boom. baby. this is my miracle baby....

Rich pointed out last week i was late. getting ready for work, i was laying in bed and he was getting dressed and he just looked at me and said " you know, you're late..." yep... i was aware. but according to the app id been following, it was Thursday and i was only 2 days late. i have a long cycle. like, 38 days long. yea... that in itself is a 5 week cycle! i didnt think too much of it. i had to hard reset my phone the day i was supposed to start and when i redownloaded my app, i had lost EVERYTHING.. id know what day we concieved baby if it hadnt been for that. i cant tell you now. no idea. i found a new app, even better in my opinion, and it said i wasnt going to start til one week later. so i really stopped thinking about it until Tuesday came. I had NONE of my period symptoms. Spotting, cramping, lil bit bloated, nothing. Wednesday came and i had to go by my house for something anyways before going back to continue my week long visit with Rich's family, so i figured i'd grab the tests i had at home. i decided to take it Thursday morning, since thats the best time. on my 2 hour drive back to his dad's, i thought a lot about everything... and knew at this point, i am late. i did the math and my period wasnt there, it was really late...and i didnt want to find out something was even more wrong with me... so i actually sat in the car and i prayed that i was pregnant. i prayed that i wasnt going to find out something else was horribly wrong, that i was pregnant, for once, and having a baby. that i could have a healthy baby... that Rich would really be excited... he had joked all this time about me being pregnant but you never really know how a guy is going to react until you have him truly in the situation. he jokingly told me to take the test when i got back. so at about 6:15 i did. and the 2 pink lines IMMEDIATELY popped up. i ran from the bathroom and shoved the stick in his face. he didnt know what i was saying, so i looked at his dad and said i was pregnant. his dad smiled and congradulated us and Rich kissed me and hugged me close and then said he was scared and went to smoke... all i can think at this moment is i needed to tell Jaimie, cuz she would understand where i was at. i called her and it took her a min to register what i was saying, but she finally realized i had my miracle baby. not married first like we wanted, but i dont even care now. i just want my baby healthy and i want to enjoy my pregnancy with Rich and watch out baby grow and be born and raise the baby together.. hes has told EVERYONE im pregnant. i did plan to wait... but he had it all over his facebook so i decided not to hide it. he couldnt contain his joy and i couldnt either...

 so i sit here... rubbing my belly, looking behind me to the man who helped me create this baby, i thank God it was me being pregnant, and that the baby was created out of love and i know its going to be a very loved little baby...


and i look back at this and realize these words dont begin to express what inside me at the moment...

"Blessed"-Martina McBride


*Breezie*

Holy Strawberries!

I'm having a baby! I'm pregnant! Years of thinking I'd never have a child... Thinking I'd be Auntie to everyone else and never having a baby... I'm pregnant! Confirmation tests tomorrow. Blood work. All that. Yay.

I'm excited! And so is my Soldier! He's honestly happy and excited and I can't believe I got that lucky! He was rubbing my belly and he's being all sweet... Apparently I was aggressive today, but I didn't realize... Feel kind of bad... But I think I can be just aware and maybe it won't be so bad... Maybe he can just say baby breathe and I'll calm down?!?!

Mom is excited, dad says I'm ruining my life... His mom n dad n siblings are happy and excited for us. And I have pregnancy buddy! His sister (my roommate) is pregnant! And his other sister in eastern washington! And my best friend over at Legos In My Pocket is! And I have more pregnant friends! It's pretty awesome :) super stoked!

*Breezie*

Movie Review: End of Watch

So I don't enjoy spoilers, and I used to do a movie review on my old blog on MySpace(obviously, ages ago) but I felt this movie was worth it. I truly enjoyed the film.

The Soldier and I went to the theatre yesterday to see End of Watch starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Peña, and Anna Kendrick.  Didn't really know what the plot was or have too much idea as to what it was going to be about besides them being police officers. That actually worked to my benefit because it changed how I went into it. The movie has a soft underlying plot, but mostly is a very realistic feel of a day in the life. Gyllenhaal delivered an excellent performance and so did Peña. The movie had tons of laughing points considering it was a crime drama. I will warn that there was a few racist comments and definite race driven jokes and stereotypes but they were well placed and went both ways. The climax of the film was well done and I promise you, we would have heard a pin drop on the carpet. The theatre was THAT quiet. All popcorn digging, snack grabbing, and seat shuffling stopped.

All around a movie I definitely would recommend and I will definitely watch again.

*Breezie*

Movie Review: End of Watch

So I don't enjoy spoilers, and I used to do a movie review on my old blog on MySpace(obviously, ages ago) but I felt this movie was worth it. I truly enjoyed the film.

The Soldier and I went to the theatre yesterday to see End of Watch starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Peña, and Anna Kendrick.  Didn't really know what the plot was or have too much idea as to what it was going to be about besides them being police officers. That actually worked to my benefit because it changed how I went into it. The movie has a soft underlying plot, but mostly is a very realistic feel of a day in the life. Gyllenhaal delivered an excellent performance and so did Peña. The movie had tons of laughing points considering it was a crime drama. I will warn that there was a few racist comments and definite race driven jokes and stereotypes but they were well placed and went both ways. The climax of the film was well done and I promise you, we would have heard a pin drop on the carpet. The theatre was THAT quiet. All popcorn digging, snack grabbing, and seat shuffling stopped.

All around a movie I definitely would recommend and I will definitely watch again.

*Breezie*

Dress Rehearsal

My boyfriends sister is getting married. I am here at the dress rehearsal and I don't know all the details of things... I started planning my own wedding when I was engaged. The song I wanted to walk down the aisle to was "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. Interestingly enough, that is this bride's choice.

My brain becomes flooded with my own wedding plans and memories. It's interesting how it pulls at me.. my mind and heart feels slightly confused.

I am looking at this wondering if I truly ever will be the one walking down the aisle for more then just part of the bridal party.

My heart is hurting a little because I found out last night my boyfriend was dishonest about something. Not super important but his reason was he wasn't comfortable discussing it. So he lied. It hurt and my heart hurts.
I understand... But it still hurts...

Song: "Through Glass"-Stone Sour

*Breezie*

Time of the Season

It's getting close. So close. I can't do anything to stop it and inside I'm screaming over it.

I am stronger now then I was before. I understand the things inside me better but it still isn't gone..

I'm looking at his departure date and my insides rip. I don't know how to take it all. I'm looking at him and inside I am silently weeping. I am going to be living 6 months without him. He's doing this to give his life structure. He's doing it for his future. For a future he says he wants with me... Yet... I notice his distance. Emotionally he's become distant and I don't know how to bring him back.

I keep thinking its me. Did we jump in too fast? Do I make him unhappy? Has my weight gain made him distant? I notice his habits.. different. Where as once when I would come home he would grab me and pull me close now he doesn't. He even pushed me away night before last. He feels so distant.

I can barely get anything from him. He tells me its in my head, or tells me he is still as crazy about me as day one but he used to cuddle with me. Used to. He says he's nervous and scared but so am I. I'm nervous and scared and trying not to lose him and I don't know how to keep from losing him.

I'm scared. I'm scared this wasn't what he thought it would be and he doesn't know how to tell me. When I try to bring it up it usually turns into a fight and I don't want a fight but I can't get him to open up. I try. I try to open the conversation but it doesn't seem to happen.

I know his life is about to change and so is mine but why does that mean I am on the outside when he's supposed to love me?

Emotionally I'm a wreck. Again.