I still can't...

I tried. I wanted to. I have reason to. Yet it just won't happen.

I can't seem to hate him. Even with a baby on the way, I can't hate him. It went from we couldn't speak, to only screaming, to no speaking, to tentative but calm communication... Now, we talk. Almost normal, but what is normal when you were once madly in love and spending your lives together? We talk like old friends. There is still a pang deep inside at some things... And I do miss him. I miss the good. I miss the madly... Key word being mad... I mean it in the crazy term, not angry. It was irrational, but yet amazing. A sense of passion I had never known before existed inside me.

That, my friends, is why I can't hate him. The Passion he brought to my attention, awakened inside me. I am so torn in how to feel today, but I know that I can't hate him.

I know some people enjoy hating. Others do not. It's not that I don't, I just CAN'T... Not him. I just don't seem to have it in me to hate someone I once loved and cared for.

Still love and care for... Even if I shouldn't.

It started as he was my new best friend, then he became my boyfriend, fiance... Now he is one of my best friends, even if it hurts and is hard. He knows everything about me.

And now... I feel a little better...