Friday, April 25, 2014


There is a moment in life where you realize that everything you went through really did prepare you for something better. Cliche, yes, but we are talking about me and I don't care. My horribly failed relationships, my parents constant fighting growing up, even my attempted suicide.

My parents argued daily. They called each other names, my mom broke things that belonged to my dad, they "stole" from each other. They got into fights so bad things would get thrown and my dad usually would retreat in the car life battles of the middle ages. He would disappear for the day, not often the same place twice in case my mom wanted to find him. I tell you this to lead you into this:

My parents relationship made me beloved that behavior was normal. Couples fight, they stick it out for this reason or that. Everyone deals with it right? It's normal to see your boyfriend throw his daughter across the house(literally), or him be drunk and threaten to beat you with a simple fist in your face. He didn't hit me, but he surely did make it clear that he could and would. Another got drunk, disappeared for days, spent all our money on weed, constantly accused me of cheating, told me no one could love me as much as him, cheated and gave me chlamydia and still said I was the cheat. I nearly took my own life and was ready to die. This is all normal though. This happens. My mom nearly took her life quite a few times growing up. 3 times in 18 months when I was 21 and 22, so my singular attempt is actually normal right?

Those happily ever afters don't exist. People don't actually respect each other, treat each other like adults, and ACTUALLY behave like they love each other. That can't be. Hollywood does that. They romanticize life and love but that is not reality. My relationships were normal. I couldn't find any examples around me that didn't have something like that involved in their lives at some point or another.

At some point I reached enough. I set a new standard. I would be treated with respect and I would settle for nothing less. I had to keep my mental health well. I couldn't reach the point of wishing for death again. I wouldn't allow someone to have control of my life like that.

I met a guy. He was silly and sweet. Southern gentleman out of movies sweet. Opens my door. Never tells me what I can't do unless he finds it unsafe. Rarely gets angry. Has never once yelled at me... Ever. I have been with him nearly 2 years. Married a little over a year. He made me realize that you CAN have a happy life, a respectful relationship, and raise children in a family that doesn't act like how I grew up.

I never wanted any child of mine to be raised in a home like my childhood. My husband is my best friend. He opened my eyes to what the world can be like, to a truly happy me. I haven't been medicated for my bipolar disorder since I have been with Hubby. He is my medicine and keeps me balanced.

All the things I saw and dealt with was so I would give my husband the chance and see him and not take him for granted.

On September 3rd, 2013, our son was born. Yep, he hung on and was brought into the world full term, healthy, happy, and into the arms of loving parents. Blessed is the only description for my life now. All of the above brought me to this. My son is beautiful. He is wonderful. He is almost 8 months old, crawls, walks along furniture... He is my greatest accomplishment.

Here is an idea how happy life has become: I got my first job at 11. Inconsistant and sporadic at best, but a job. At 16 I got a steady job and still worked the other one. I have only been unemployed for 3 weeks since then... Until I was 38 weeks pregnant when my boss said to me that my next shift was covered. He put me on maternity leave. I thought I'd be back to work in 8 weeks, at the most, because I can't stay home. I haven't worked since August. I'm happy. Best job ever and the only one that is this important. I'm shaping a child and his mind. I love the little boogie.

In the past, I only blogged when upset, but today was just an update and a moment of happiness.

I leave you with one of my favorite happy songs:

"Pumpin' Blood"- Nonono


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