Sunday, February 3, 2013

That Feeling...(written 8/5/2012, didnt post properly, posting today!)

I made huge steps and progress in my life this week.
I now have a home :) I have an apartment. After losing my house last October I felt like I'd never be back in my own place. I attempted suicide in December after despair swept over me to the point I couldn't take any more. I've spent months trying to get back on my feet. Years. I feel like I lost myself 3 years ago after I was raped.. I've been lost inside for a long time and I actually feel myself coming together again.
My apartment is beautiful :) The community is nice. My roommate is awesome. She is as excited as I am. Her divorce last year had her living on her moms couch for the last year... And if you really know me, you know I was living on my friends couch for most of the last 10 months. Wow. Almost a year being "homeless".
Now, I have a home. Every day I come home to my house, my bed, my room. After we are finished with the moving and stuff, I plan to have my kitty to come home to :) that makes me even more happy...
My Soldier leaves for basic and AIT in October, he was also living at his moms, so until then, he's going to live with me. I wake up to him, fall asleep with him.. its nice.
When I moved in with Josh and Jeremy it was what felt right, but I remember more hesitation.. I don't feel that this time. I don't feel like this is going to probably go drastically wrong and I'm going to be broken again.. it feels right. Like he really is that other part of me.. Like maybe he isn't just another one passing through.. he's genuinely sweet and polite, charming, loving, and best of all, when we do have the rare argument, he's still respectful. He doesn't call me names and tell me I'm stupid and make me feel like I'm worthless.
Him being home with me for once feels like its cuz we want it and not because its needed... I feel like I should have been born with another foot... For another sock...
That feeling?
It's called complete.

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