Tonight

Vacation. It may only be 24 hours, but I need this get away. I need to relax. I need to breathe and just be.

I had every intention of allowing myself time. I truly did. I was going to spend all this time being me, getting all my shit together and moving forward in a positive way. Then... I met the Traveling Soldier. He leaves for basic soon, but there is a connection there. I wanted to push away and allow myself to be alone. I find that guys don't seem to allow their girlfriends to be as independent as some try to be. Some do... And those are very strong relationships.

The Soldier doesn't want to hold me back, control me, tell me what I can do or who I can be around. It seems weird. One of my friends told me I don't know how to have a healthy relationship. That may be true, but I'm trying. Taking things slow, allowing him to get to know me.

He makes me laugh. His depth of understand and patience for me is incredible. I require patience when being dealt with. Ask my good friends. Mrs. Lego's would tell you that's the case. I try her patience more often then I should(I love you!!). He brings an energy that just lifts things for me. I am happy.

I haven't been on medication for my bipolar disorder in almost 3 months. Starting in mid April, my evil thoughts started creeping in. Today....

I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I want to LIVE. I don't feel the desire to end my life. To be a flash of once existence. I just want to life. I feel a peace.

I often feel good at the beginning of every relationship, but not enough to effect how much I want to live or die. I feel amazing.

I still need my little get away, I haven't had one in far too long... I need to leave the city behind and get air.

So that's what I'm doing.

*Breezie*

Song of the Moment: "Walking on Sunshine" (take ur pick of artist and covers)